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Sunday, September 5, 2010

One Foot in Front Of The Other

Moving on is weird.

God's grace is so big, and he has not given me anything I can't handle.  With his help, the support of an amazing husband, caring words and hugs from everyone else, a wonderful job to pour myself into, I am getting through this.  I am moving on.  Healing.

Sometimes it feels like the whole month of August didn't happen.  From August 2-16 I was preparing to be a mother.  From August 17-26 there was still an {unhopeful} chance that I could become a mother. It is now September, and we are sure the book is closed.  In fact, we have already had 3 more potential situations come along.  Game on.

When my friend Jess lost her husband of 8 months in February, she said looking back on their relationship, marriage, and his death felt like it happened all so fast, just like a blip in time.

In some way, I'm feeling like that too.  Since we never actually had the baby or even saw the baby, I can convince myself that maybe it just never happened.  We have just moved on to living life as we were, and nothing has changed.

Until yesterday.  Oh man, it was real, wasn't it?

Yesterday, I accidentally ended up in the baby department at Burlington Coat Factory, and all the emotions of excitement, nesting, and then devastation came flooding to me.  I felt my eyes sting, my chest feel tight, and my stomach twist.  It was such a reality.  At one point we were really going to have a baby.

I felt robbed.  I left the baby department, took some really deep breaths, and bought myself a headband with a  giant flower on it.  Ah, stuff, my coping mechanism.



Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12 

1 comment:

  1. It is tough.This happened to us. The pain will get better. Hang in there! :-)

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