Saturday, July 31, 2010

Just Adopt

No, this is not a post about adoption advocacy.  This is also not meant to encourage people to choose adoption.  The purpose of this post is to encourage every single person to take the following phrase out of their vocabulary,

"Just Adopt."

As in, "If we can't get pregnant, we'll just adopt."  
Also known as, "You could always just adopt if you needed to."
Or, "We want a big family, so after we have a few biological children, we'll probably just adopt."

*As if going through an adoption is like finding an answer to trivia on the interent, "I'm not sure the value of the Yen.  I will just google it."
*As if bringing home a baby is as simple as answering your questions about today's weather, "Shirt or sweater?  No problem, I'll just check the weather channel."
As if adoption is like taking care of a tootheache, "I think I have a cavity, so I'll just go to the dentist."
*As if choosing an adoption plan were as simple as running out of milk, "I'll just stop by Giant."

Not to mention the negative connotation and devaluing of anything that follows the word "just." (adverb - as in only or merely.)

So, please, do yourself a favor (and me as well), and stop using "just" and "adopt" in the same sentence.

{And while you're at it, you may also apply these rules to online dating, as so delicately pointed out by a single friend.  "If I can't meet anyone, I can always just try e-harmony."  I think that process is probably just as frustrating.}

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Tired of...

  • waiting
  • being patient
  • acting like I'm patient
  • explaining myself
  • explaining adoption
  • justifying my hurts and frustrations
  • making analogies
  • ungrateful parents (not mine, the kind who are sick of their kids)
  • feeling alone
  • not making future plans
  • making future plans just to be distracted
  • Babies R Us signs, ads, and emails
  • walking past an empty nursery
  • panicking that it might never happen
  • asking God for this to be the one
  • justifying God's "no"
  • trying to understand God
  • religious cliches having to do with God's timing
  • saving money
  • worrying about money in general
  • not being able to imagine being a mom
  • trying to imagine it, but being unsuccessful
  • crying
  • hoping
  • planning
  • accidental pregnancies
  • family planning
  • the word "birthmom"
  • the words "potential situation"
  • buying yellow, green, and white baby clothes
  • the calendar
  • updating clearances
  • proving my worthiness of parenthood
  • baby fever
  • life being at a stand still
  • politically correct adoption language
  • politically incorrect adoption language
  • needing to have a "language" that addresses the way we are building a family

*Please note, I fully expect these feelings to fluctuate in the next 12 hours.  Check back later for your regular positive programming.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

High Chair

Sunday night, Big Lots was having a sale, so I stopped in for a few things (including canvases for this project), and walked out with a big ole honkin' high chair.  It is so super cute, I could not pass it up.  Not to mention the lime and aqua plates are reminiscent of my beloved fiestaware.

Picture of Recalled 3-in-1 High Chair

Furthermore, the chair is super slim for storage, and converts into 2 kinds of toddler booster seats for traveling and growing with the child.

The problem?  It has totally be recalled.  The 60% off price tag should have been my clue!  However, this website says that if I call Fisher Price, I can get a free kit to fix the issue.  If you ask me, the reason for the recall seems a lot like human error, but I guess you can never be too safe.

So, should I return the chair to Big Lots (I have 28 more days to do that), or get the repair kit and keep this gorgeous thing?

Herb offered to put it together last night (I think he's getting tired of the large box in the living room).  I told him I didn't really want to see it in the kitchen because it will make me sad.  To the nursery it goes, but hopefully not for long.

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Still Holding

The amount of blogging I've been doing is directly proportional to the baby obsessing I've been having.  I'm hopeful and content, and just plain loving summer.  Potential situations come and go, and I don't get my hopes up as much as I used to.

Today, I told Jess I woke up with a happy/hopeful/yet sad feeling because I dreamed about our baby again last night.  Jess said it reminds her of the times when we used to dream about dating a crush, and wake up with that wonderful newly-in-love feeling, yet realizing it was just a dream.  Yeah, it's like that.

I still know, if I could meet our someday birthmomma, I would still be a groveling fool.

I am holding on to the dream that God is writing an ending to the story of our journey to parenthood that is so fabulous that it is nothing short of a miracle.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Empty, but Distracted

Sorry I've been so silent for the last few weeks with just a post here and there.  I've been super busy with grad school, craft projects, hanging out with awesome peoplekinda exercising and weight watchers, going to the beach, and celebrating my birthday and anniversary.

But honestly, I feel like I have nothing to say.  In fact, when it comes to the adoption, my fuel tank is empty.  I'm not dreaming about our precious little baby at night like I used to, and I'm not consumed with thoughts of baby throughout the day like I was a few weeks ago.  I have enough newborn clothes, so Salvation Army and yard sales aren't all that enticing. 

I don't want to say I'm losing hope, but I am growing weary.  When we started the process over a year ago, I could imagine exactly what it would be like to get the call, to bring our baby home, to begin our life as a family.  I feel like those day dreams are drifting away, and are becoming harder and harder to visualize.  I am overwhelmed at the ratio of babies to waiting families.

I'm glad to be distracted and not be as obsessed as normal (don't get me wrong, I still talk and think about it a lot).  It would just be easier if it could all happen already.

In happier news...I am enjoying watching these little babies grow, and one of them will be here VERY soon!

Our godson, baby Becker, due 7/24/10
(hopefully coming sooner that that!)

Our niece or nephew (I think niece), baby Stoltzfus, coming 12/10/10
(yes, I inserted a little Noah's Ark in the picture)