Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
how very lost one can be, And bitterness fires through me.
The brilliance that was is flickering cold, slowly burning to ash.
I'm choking on pride, I'm closing my eyes,
'till one day I'm scared to go back.
Destroy the blindness, Peace Eternal.
Take this beaten soul, shivering hands I will raise.
Hope Unstoppable, Sing the morning sun,
Wake up oh sleeper, the Daylight has come.
You are You are, Unbreakable.
Monday, December 28, 2009
So, as you can see, this is what I am still waiting for...
- crib mattress
- twin bed mattress
- changing table/dresser pad
- curtains (Going to have to be pretty colorful. I am going to wait till baby comes, so I can go really girly or masculine with them.)
- oh, and a baby. In case you were wondering if anything came out of "possible situation #1," the answer is...we don't know. The door has not been closed on that one, but we are still praying for it! :)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Trying to focus on the fact that there are probably hundreds of couples who were notified of this situation, and God has already planned this one out. But it's exciting to know that we're in the game.
So now, I am continuing to pray for God to guide our adoption process and to let it unfold in a way that he would be glorified!
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
What a wonderful weekend. We got about 16 inches of snow on Saturday, and therefore did not leave the house since Friday night (it's now Sunday night). Some highlights for me included...
Got my car back on Friday night, only one month since the accident. Random "God story..." Friday night I was running around Wal-Mart looking for a electrical socket to charge my cell phone because I needed Herb to help me drop off my rental car by 6pm. Instead of finding a place to charge the cell, I ran into Lynne, from my small group, who offered to run me all over West York to drop of the rental and pick up the Escape. It was so shiny and beautiful, and I am so glad to have it back!
After the car ordeal, Herb and I enjoyed some last minute (and finishing) Christmas shopping (actually just his, not mine, I've been done since December 1!). We then watched a movie with Isaac and Jess, and made plans for breakfast the next morning (which didn't happen due to snow...maybe next week?).
I baked about 8 dozen cookies and two pecan pies. I would have made two pumpkin pies too, but ran out of eggs. Peanut Butter Temptation Cookies, Hershey Kiss Cookies, Chocolate Chip Cookies (sandwiched with left over frosting from Cora's birthday cake!).
After baking, I did a small amount of cleaning/dishes/etc, then I scrapbooked. I have been enjoying reading some scrapbooking/crafting blogs, and one of them has a weekly challenge. Thanks to a friend from work for gettnig me hooked up with this fun stuff!!
Friday, December 18, 2009
I loved Herb more than anything when we got married, but we were still kids. And I think we both knew that. And somewhere over the last three years, my husband has grown up. I mean really grown up. It is such an amazing feeling to know there is NO WHERE else on earth I am more safe, protected, comforted, comfortable, and happy then in his arms. He has truly learned what it means to lead a marriage, and to be to his wife as Christ is to the church.
God, why have you blessed me so?
Last night, as we talked, I told Herb that I realized he had to become this before he could be a father.
He said, "Duh," to me.
Maybe the kid is still there a little bit. :)
Thank you Herb for letting God mold you into who He wanted you to be. Thank you for choosing me to be the recipient of your love. Thank you for telling me to put on my coat and get in the car. You always know just what I need. I love you more than anything.
Monday, December 14, 2009
"I guess we can't count the reasons we don't want kids any more," I said, remembering our newlywed years of "numbering" the screaming children that gave us reasons to WAIT.
"Nope, that's off the table. We've retired it," Herb replied, without even a smudge of disappointment in his voice.
Our waitress was more than thrilled to take this picture for us. She said our story made her night and she was going to cry.
Friday, December 11, 2009
And it all leads to today, when we are approved for an adoption!
What does this mean? It means that our profile is active, and we are ready to be chosen.
Bring it on!
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I keep watching our ticker...12 weeks, 4 months, 6 months, now almost 7 since we first applied for the adoption. I guess somewhere in the back (or front) of my mind, I am hoping for a miracle - to have a baby before it reaches 9 months. I think it would be neat to have a story where it took less than 9 months to have a baby. Then I start to realize the baby process began long before the ticker started...I know we're over a year into the adoption process already, from decision to want to start a family, to giving up on trying to conceive, to choosing adoption and an agency, to waiting for the first informational meeting, to references, and now for approval. I never considered how much waiting there would be before we even get to "wait for a baby" (wait to be chosen). Oh God, give me patience.
The song in my heart this week has been "Worship While I'm Waiting." Such a cheesy song from a cheesy movie, but I can't get it out of my head. I need to remember that God already knows where our baby is, what stage of development (if any) the baby is in, and where they are. He is holding the baby in His hands, and waiting for just the right moment to trust Herb and I with this responsibility.
I am not aching for a baby the way I thought I would over the holidays. It's not a pain like "I can't believe we don't have a baby yet. Life's not fair..." It's just more of a baby-consumes-my-every-waking-and-sleeping-thought issue, and wishing I could focus on something else for a minute or two. My mom lovingly assured me that if I was pregnant I would be going through the same thing.
God, use this time to prepare me. Help me to trust you more in this situation.