Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Can't Wait to Meet You

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of no where, and into my life

And somehow I know that it will turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work it out
And I promise you kid, I'll give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Mourning the Moment

It was going to be a Save the Date card. On the outside it would say, "Save the Date, 08-08-08," and on the inside would be a picture of the positive pregnancy test. That is how I was going to share our good news with our family the very first time I ever thought I might be pregnant. The first moment my parents realize the will be grandparents.

And without any fun surprises, excited hugs, or tears of joy, that day has come and gone. Instead of that moment, we got months of a slow adoption process, filling everyone in each step of the way. Yes, I know people around us are SO COMPLETELY supportive and excited, but sometimes it feels more like pity and doubt.

Can I blame them? NO! My own excitement is laced with self-pity and doubt! And I don't have choice but to believe that, yes, this is our path to parenthood, and yes, there WILL be a baby at the end of this broken road. I understand the protected excitement, the guarded hearts.

The thing is, I just love a really good surprise.

Monday, April 19, 2010

It's Gonna Be Worth It

I've heard a thousand times from biological & adoptive moms that the waiting time we are going through now will seem like just a flash of time when we finally hold a baby in our arms. When we get "the call," the last 11 months won't even matter anymore.

I was having a rough time with it last week, and when I looked back on my day, I realized I had heard "It's Gonna Be Worth It," by Rita Springer that morning, and never noticed it. Granted, I know that song is about something much deeper and greater than my impatient wait for parenthood, but I do think I was supposed to hear it that particular morning.

"I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways"

My goal this week is not to be so focused on what I'm waiting for that I miss out on what I'm supposed to be learning during this time.

And besides, I use to sing this song when I was desperately waiting for Prince Charming, knowing that the man God had planned for me was going to be completely worth it. And HE did a pretty great job on that one.

While we're talking about music speaking to me, that same day I heard this song and was completely overcome with emotion. I think I do have this kind of love in my life, and it rocks.

I DO want God's best for me. I want His plan, not mine. It will be worth it.

The Tale of Two Showers (with no pregnant ladies)

In the midst of the ridiculousness of crazy fine arts time (which is the only time of year my job is remotely stressful), I have attended two baby showers, neither of which had a pregnant lady present.

The first shower was for me! My high school girlfriends had planned to get together last Friday. When they arrived at my house, they came bearing gifts and a cake. We went out for dinner and, ironically, at my baby shower, I was the only one drinking beer. It was the perfect pick-me-up encouragement after the news we received earlier that day.

Steph, Ashley, and Megan were so thoughtful. They even went to the trouble of figuring out if we have a gift registry or not. I really really appreciated the gifts and the sentiment. I felt so special.

The second shower came this past Saturday, when we celebrated the coming Becker baby, who unfortunately is baking in Hawaii. We gathered in Chambersburg, but used the miracle of technology and USPS to have a virtual baby shower Oovoo style! It was really something! It was awesome to celebrate with Lauren and Jerry, but really made me miss them even more. Can't wait to meet baby Roman sometime after July 24!

Friday, April 9, 2010

Not Our Baby

We just got an email from the social worker that said the birthmom had picked someone else. I really thought it seemed like things were lining up for this situation pretty well, so I am believing that God has something even more perfect for us in mind.

Thanks for your prayers. Keep 'em coming!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Nursery Update

This post brought to you by nesting. Sponsored by the folks over at And For Now (aka...all the stuff I do to keep myself distracted). Head on over to check out other home improvement projects and random DIY projects.

Here are the latest nursery pictures. The only things I still need are to bind the quilt edges, put up some art above the crib and closet, and get a baby. At the end of this post I'm going to start talking numbers, I think we'll be suprised (or, maybe not).

View from door. Captain's bed on the right, crib and changing table on the left, and reading/rocking/HVAC nook in the back.

The captain's bed and door to the porch.

Crib and changing table, sporting a new crib skirt, just added this week (shout out to YHL!).

Lancaster vs. York Piggy Banks

Okay, now the fun part. Let's talk about how much money I did not spend on this room.

The following items were free/donated/hand-me-downs. Thank you!!!!

-Crib, Car Seat and Bases, Pack and Play (not pictured) from Sarah and Josh
-Rocking Chair from Sarah and Jarred
-Changing Table (Dresser), Captain's Bed, Mattress, Box Spring, Night Stand from Wendi (wood stuff actually made by my talented dad about 10 years ago)
-Reupholstering work done by Joan on the Rocking Chair
-Quilt sewing and design by my awesome mother
-Dalmation and Lady Bug Stuffed Toys from Lynne
-Piggy Banks, Lava Lamp, Floor Lamp, Other Bedding, Vase were items we already had

-Float Shelves (Ollies) - $15 each
-Fabric for Rocking Chair (JoAnn Fabrics) - $50, but probably only used $40
-Fabric for Quilt (JoAnn Fabrics) - $25
-Fabric for Crib Skirt (JoAnn Fabrics) - $12
-Sheets on bed (Ross) - $7 (fitted sheet is going to be used on changing pad)
-Changing Pad (Yard Sale) - $6
-Round Mirror (Yard Sale) - $1
-Silver Lamp and Red Shade (Yard Sale) - $1
-Crib Sheet and Mattress Pad (Consignment) - $8
-Crib Mattress (Big Lots) - $40
-Red Book Tub (Big Lots) - $5
-Zebra Body Pillow Case (Target) - $10
-Red Laterns (Wal-Mart) - $3 each
-Curtains (Wal-Mart) - $9 each
-Black and White Valspar Paint (Lowe's) - $40ish

Grand Total: $275

I think that's a pretty good price to spend on a nursery. What do you think? Deal or No Deal.

Friday, April 2, 2010

The Infertility High Five

Also known as: "When It Potentially Rains, It Potentially Pours."

As I'm standing in the "speedy checkout" line at Walmart (which it is NOT), the cashier remarks, "What a interest group of things." I looked down and laughed. A laundry basket, shower liner, cat food, and a pregnancy test. Yep, you read that right, a pregnancy test. Apparently, waiting on pins and needles has taken a toll on my body, to the tune of 10 days late (which NEVER happens).

After a long day of yard sale-ing today, I needed to pop in the bathroom quickly before leaving Walmart. I quickly realized I did not need the pregnancy tests anymore. They were still sealed, "So why not return them?" I thought with a giggle.

When it was my turn at the customer service desk, I shyly placed my return on the counter with the receipt and said, "I just bought these, but I don't need them anymore." The cashier looks at me with a big smile, and says, "Just now?!" I laughed (out of embarassment) and said yes.

At that point she high fived me. I couldn't leave her hanging. You have to understand, I really didn't have a choice in the matter.

With the slap of our hands in the middle of Walmart, I suddenly realized I had just high fived to infertility. OOOOOOOOOOOOOh, the irony.

She did ask if that is what I was hoping for, and truthfully, I lied. I couldn't high five her, and then tell her that it is devestating to not be able to conceive, and that I am currently stressing out over being selected to be an adoptive momma. There were too many people behind me and I was already embarassed. I just had to go with it.

Laughing the whole way to the car, I asked God again to PLEASE let this be the one.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Groveling Fool

If I could meet you, I might grovel.

I would stutter and sound like a fool, desperately trying to hide that I have no idea how to be a parent. I would look for similarities in our lives and try to form a quick bond. I would try to be a good listener, but in excitement would probably interrupt and try to finish your sentences.

I would promise to love unconditionally, forever. To protect, provide, and guide to the very best of my ability, every day for the rest of my life.

I would tell you what an amazing man my husband is. He never raises his voice in anger. He knows how to relax and make people comfortable. He is my home, and would be a safe haven for a child too. He is wise beyond his years and talented beyond his awareness. He will provide and play. He will be the rock. He is a rock.

I would tell you about my family. How my sister faithfully believes a baby will be in my arms before too much longer, how my mom has been picking up baby clothes and bragging about adoption, and how my sister-in-law already has a baby shower planned in her mind. I would tell you about all the excellent mothers (yes, plural) in my family. I would tell you again that I have no idea how to be a mother, but those around me do, and I will learn from them as I go.

I would tell you that you are prayed for. I have been praying for you before I knew your name or situation. This decision is yours to make, and if it's not us, I will delight in knowing that someone in our shoes is feeling the extreme joy that I am longing for.

And if I could meet you, I'm pretty sure it would take every bone in my body to resist the urge to beg, "Please, please, please...pick us."