Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Trying to introduce yourself...

in 12 measly pages is absolutely overwhelming. Let me clarify, these are 12 8.5x11 pages WITH several pictures on each page. So it's really only 2-3 pages of writing. How do I tell the kidney story without making Herb sound like he's on his deathbed? How do hit all the general information they need to know without sounding cookie-cutter and blah?

I will be SO GLAD when this is finished. :)

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Homestudy - COMPLETE!!

Ahhh, I am breathing so much easier now! Our social worker was here from about 10-1, and in that time she walked through the entire house and we chatted about parenting in the kitchen. Walking her through the house was more like when a friend who hasn't been to our place before comes over and we show them around. She played with our kitty and complemented on my decorating and color choices (she loved the aqua, so there!).

She said it would take 4-6 weeks for our approval to be written and processed, and then after that our profile can be shown to birthparents! During the next 4-6 weeks, we need to get our profile done, which is a scrapbook showing pictures of us, friends, family, hobbies, etc and just telling our story. Of course I am excited to do it!

The only down side of the the morning was that I found out that the average wait in adoption is a year from APPROVAL, not application. I was thinking we would most likely have a baby by June, but it's more like next Christmas. However, a year is the longest wait for people in our position, so it still could be before that. Who knows. I am a little disappointed, but at the same time I have incredible peace resting in God's timing.

So, now we are going to go to Baby's R Us for fun! :)

Saturday, October 17, 2009

So Incredibly Blessed

Last night some wonderful ladies came over and ROCKED OUT on cleaning our house for the home study on Tuesday. I am mean, this thing is clean. Walls were scrubbed, appliances were scoured, windows were cleaned. I didn't even know the shine that some parts of my house still had in them. It was slightly intimidating - it felt like those Saturday mornings when your mom would make you clean the house, but this time I had like 4 moms and another sister here - but it was SO WORTH IT. Jess pointed out that it is so good to see the body of Christ really surround you and come together in tangible ways.

As much as it feels to have a sparkling clean house, I think what last night showed me is what a wonderful support system we have here in York. Not only are Herb and I blessed with large biological families, but our baby is going to be so loved on by so many people who are not blood relatives to us. And doesn't it feel like that is so fitting for an adoption anyway?

If it takes a village, I know I've already been blessed with a great one.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Current Playlist of Emotion

So many thoughts, fears, and joys running through my mind right now. I can't help but wonder how many are adoption related and how many are just plain parent-to-be related.

There are certain songs I just love to listen right now. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's our stage in this adventure, maybe it's just my taste in music. BUT these will be the songs I will look back on in 10 years and be able to listen to and remember exactly how I was feeling today.

In no particular order...
All You Need Is Love - The Beatles
Bless the Lord - Tye Tribbett
Wheels of a Dream - Ragtime Soundtrack
My Life Would Suck Without You - Kelly Clarkson
We Build - Nicole Nordeman
How He Loves - John Mark McMillan
All Over Now - Eric Hutchinson
Forever - Chris Brown (purely for the Office Wedding)

For the record, these days when I need a good laugh and cry all at once, I just watch the last five minutes of last week's office.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My Brain Is Going To Explode...

If my back doesn't first. Too much flooring on Saturday; I am still hurting on Tuesday. It is annoying and significantly cutting into my "CLEANING FRENZY" week. This morning, I literally made an index card titled with each room of my house, and then about 5-10 items to be done in that room before next Tuesday (home study day). I think I will tape the card to the door of each room, so I can stay focused and work on ONE THING at a time. Some ladies from my small group are coming Friday night to help us really give the house a good one...can I help it if I want the house to be clean before they come? LOL. How ridiculous am I?

Yesterday, I went to a music nerd workshop for all of Adams, Lancaster, Lebanon, and York counties. I always look forward to those days - getting new ideas, running into old classmates and co-ops, and being around people who share my passion. Yesterday was different. My passion wasn't there.

All day I was feeling apathetic to music education and really annoyed with the people who were obnoxiously obsessed with being a good musician and teacher. Then, during the choral reading session at the end of the day, it finally hit me. We began to sing a simple lullaby. It was nothing special, not even a melody I remember. But as I sang along (or should I say tried to sing), tears filled my eyes and a lump swelled my throat. The lullaby represented everything I feel passionate about now. Immediately, I vowed to myself that as soon as this home study is behind us, I am going to start learning lullabies. LOTS of them.

At one point in my life, I would have DEFINED myself as a musician or music teacher, etc. And now, as I told Jocelyn this morning, right now being a music teacher feels about as important as being a cake decorator, scrap-booker, bargain shopper, or TV watcher. It is something I really enjoy and love, but it is not the only part of me, and it cannot solely fulfill my life purpose.

I don't think that being a mother will solely define me either. I think I am just learning that as a woman, I fill many roles and have many purposes. And right now, I am just consumed by achieving a new role as mother and becoming better at my role as wife and Christ follower.

God, thank you for putting these desires in my heart. Who knew?

Okay, maybe my brain and back won't explode, but there is a good chance in the next few months that might heart might.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Herb is learning to read!

Just kidding...but he has been spending day and night reading our adoption books (which must be done by next week). He keeps telling me things from the book that I don't remember because I read them in July, and then he says, "Didn't you read the book?!" I guess he is a slow reader for comprehension, and I am a fast reader to get it done. We have had some really good conversations as a result of the books, and I think that they are making him even more excited to be a dad!

Why is it that the only books about open adoption were written in the 80's when it first began? Therefore the adopted children they are writing about are usually my age or older!! Maybe someday Herb and I can write an updated adoption book!

Friday, October 9, 2009

My First Dream About Him

If you know me well, you know that I am one of the most vivid dreamers. Not that they are ever prophetical or anything like that, but they are in color, very real, and often very entertaining. I have dreamt about adoptions, pregnancy, and babies a lot before, but last night was the first time I had a dream about OUR baby.

In the dream, we received our approval letter and within hours we had been selected by a birthmother. We didn't get to meet her, and the baby was pretty much just dropped off at our house after birth (which is not the way it happens). He was so tiny and new and holding him felt so good! There was no fear that someone would take him away and I just knew he was ours. Sarah (my sister in law) came over right away to take me out to breakfast and shopping for essential baby things. We were so unprepared for the little guy that I was toting him around in a backpack! And he was wearing one of the onesies I actually have bought already.

So, not that we're having a boy or that it will happen like this, but it was so neat to dream about it. Thanks for that little clip of hope, God. It was refreshing.