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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I Hope You're Not Sad Anymore

"I have exciting news," she told me.

I was washing dishes, chatting on the phone, nerdy blue tooth earpiece stuck in my ear.  Jen and I first bonded over the fact that she "babysat" Levi in her belly, but have long since become friends.  We hadn't talked since  Christmas, so I was glad for a catch up phone call.  I turned off the water, put down the dish cloth and asked, "Are you moving?"

"No."

I took a beat and then asked, "Are you having a baby?"

"No," she replied again.  I heard a stifled laugh in her voice.

"Oh, ok!  What then?"

We went on to talk about her exciting news, caught up on work and kids, and soon I felt convicted and looped back to my previous question.

"Sorry I asked if you were pregnant - that was probably inappropriate."

"Oh, it's ok!" she graciously offered.

I paused.  "It's just that before Levi was born and I wanted a baby so badly. I had to expect that everyone around me was pregnant, then I would be prepared when I heard an actual pregnancy announcement.  I guess old habits die hard."

"Well, I hope you aren't sad anymore when you hear one!"  Jen laughed.

"No, I'm good."

******

I couldn't get this conversation out of my head.  How heartbreaking would it be to hear that the baby you selflessly gave a childless couple was not enough?  Not to say I never want more children, but more like I can't be sad about infertility anymore.  It's been remedied.

Someone else sacrificed SO much to give me everything.

It made me reflect on another area of my life. God has given me everything I need, and yet I still pout and get sad that I didn't get this or that like someone else did.  How selfish.  How rude.  How entitled.

Lord, keep me broken.  I want the sacrifice made on my behalf to be fresh, in my face, never forgotten.  I don't want to take these thing for granted.  Ever.

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