The Joy of Anticipation
Weeks ago, when we began to slowly and cautiously share our baby news, one of my often quoted friends Lauren said, "Oh Michelle. I am so excited that you get to experience anticipating this baby."
"Stop. What? All I want is for the next five months to be over and have that little squish in my arms!" is what I thought. But instead replied, "Yeah, I guess me too."
As she often is - she was right. "Walking through" this pregnancy with the E-mom (E) has been redeeming for me in so many ways. We each signed up for The Bump and have enjoyed texting each other every week, commenting on the baby's eggplant size or developing ear lobes. E has been so faithful to text me every day - "So many kicks today," "Heartburn sucks," or "Do you want to talk about my hospital plan?" In every choice she makes, she considers me, more than she would have to. I can't speak highly enough of her integrity in this journey.
There are ultrasound pictures. I have three that E has so thoughtfully texted to me. It amazes me to see the growth and the development of facial features.
When I look back on our waiting time for Levi, I remember the angst. I was NOT a joyful waiter. I was not content. I was heartbroken and desperate and miserable. And then when he was in my arms it all changed. To quote Mater's Tall Tails, "You remember, you was there."
At the beginning of our second adoption, I was so nervous about whether or not the feelings of anxiety and baby-desperation would return. God is so GOOD - they did not. Even now, in a 5 month match process (that's what the time is called between when you are picked by an expectant mom and the baby is actually born) my heart is content. This is the kind of peace that passes understanding. I get that verse now.
I'm so excited for the calendar to turn to September and know the baby could come any day, but I'm genuinely enjoying getting ready for her. If I feel like working on the nursery, I do. If I feel like dropping $25 at Target on baby gear, I do. I have enough time to spread out purchases so nothing feels like a huge hit. And yet, we still have 2 1/2 months to go, so there are not any rushed feelings (yet).
We were walking out to the car and Levi said with a sigh, "Oh mom.... I just can't stop thinking about that baby."
Me neither, buddy.