Post Tenebras Lux

Three months ago I had one of those perfectly joyful moments.  Easter had just passed, which we enjoyed hosting in our brand new house.  Herb was settling in to the demands of a  new position at work while finishing up some difficult but enjoyable schoolwork.  Levi was in a happy routine at school, and was still on a high from being in Disney a month prior. 

I was driving home from worship team on this night, April 19, listening to my favorite song by my favorite band, and the thought crossed my mind, “I’m going to be all right.”  

You probably know bits and pieces of the long and tumultuous journey through adoption we’ve experienced.  There have been numerous uphill battles, and moments of such extreme heartbreak that I stood with the shattered pieces in my hands, bewildered.  

36 weeks prior to that April 19th moment, a spark flew in my heart.  “What if I surrender my desire for a baby?”  And in that moment, ironically again in my car, on a hot August day, I prayed, “God, I give this to you.  I want another baby so badly, and I know that you will either fulfill that desire, remove that desire, or change me through the process of having that desire unfulfilled.”  

After that prayer, the very clear next step was for Herb and I to become certified to be foster parents.  Of course, this process turned out to be much more arduous than we expected - but that’s kind of been par for this course.

So, back to April 19, in my car, joyfully reflecting on God’s faithfulness, and looking forward to our home study the following day, which would have us OFFICIALLY on the waiting list for foster care, ready to go at anytime.  Bunk beds assembled,  new tooth brushes and toiletries purchased.

Knowing how God works all things together for His glory and for the good of those who love Him, it should be of no surprise to me that that very night, April 19, a little tiny baby was born at 36 weeks gestation, suffering from some scary  (though temporary) conditions, fighting for life in the NICU.

The next day, 15 minutes prior to our foster care home study, we were notified of and asked to be the foster parents of this precious child.  The caveat was that of the Unknown - the baby may shortly be returning to birth parents, or  they may be making an adoption plan, in which case we would become the adoptive parents.

Within 24 hours, the baby was in my arms and, more importantly, in my heart.   

But really, it feels like he's always been there.  

The moment I saw his face I had an overwhelming sense of “Oh, there you are.  I’ve been looking for you.” 

{Unfortunately, I can’t show you a picture of this perfect little face just yet.}

This child, our first foster care placement became a "adoptive placement" 31 days ago.  In Pennsylvania, 30 days is the time period that a birth family has to revoke their decision, though the adoption won't be official for another 6-9 months. 

He arrived after a time of great pain in our lives,  a heartbreaking time in the life of his first family, and was born in a stressful scary medical situation, but has been nothing but a beacon of light to all he has touched.  

There’s a latin phrase for this - post tenebras, lux - after darkness, light.

Our hope is fulfilled.  As Levi, the-most-happy-big-brother-EVER, says, “I just can’t believe all my prayers are being answered.”

So, I would like to officially announce our most glorious news - we’re adopting, it’s a boy, he’s already here, and when his adoption is final, I will post a million and one pictures of this sweet baby.

Say hello to Baby J.


  1. I'm so happy to hear this! I've been thinking about you and your family. God is good! : )


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