When I think back to October 12, 2010 (the favorite of my 12th days), I can't believe how much my life has changed in just two years. And more than just a career change and a new roommate, as I so nonchalantly announced on Facebook the day we brought Levi home. I have changed, Herb has changed. Life has changed.
Today we celebrate Levi's "Gotcha Day," the day he became part of our family. Ah, what an amazing day that was. The end of a long journey, the beginning of an even longer, yet very wonderful, one.
I love being a mom, I mean I looove it. This is my thing. Strike that - it's not mother hood - it's him - Levi is my thing. Pouring my life into this tiny human - this is what I was meant to do. There are successes and there are (plenty of) failures, but at the end of the day there is, hands down, the best thing that ever happened to me. For me.
Yet, I can't think about the day Levi came home without remembering the bitter-sweetness that laces Oct 12 for someone else. Herb put it so well, "I cannot thank her enough and every year I am reminded of her sacrifice which strengthens my commitment to raise Levi to be a strong, loving, God-fearing man." I am so grateful that Jen is still part of our lives.
Today my favorite song, "Beautiful Things" has been on repeat in my head.
I think about where I was emotionally and mentally two years and a day ago... "All this pain, I wonder if I'll ever find my way, I wonder if my life could really change at all."
I think about the devastation and pain of infertility, the waiting for baby, and the roller coaster that adoption can be, "Could all that is lost ever be found? Could a garden come up from this ground at all?" Yeah, I was there.
I think about that crisp Tuesday morning two years ago, when God so lovingly fulfilled our hopes and dreams, "All around, hope is spring up from this old ground. Out of chaos life is being found in You."
At the end of Levi's birthday video, it scrolled through 24 pictures, one for each month of his two year old, and it lined up with the bridge as they sang, "You make me new, you are making me new." I couldn't help but think as each picture changed and showed Levi growing, how much I became a new person with each month that passed, too.
God has renewed and restored my heart. He has filled empty places and brought together open spaces. He owed me nothing, he didn't need to prove his love for me; but he blessed me with the gift of a son anyway. He placed a desire in my heart to be a mother and then when all seemed lost and impossible, he went ahead and fulfilled it.
For me, Levi is proof. Proof that beautiful things can come out of dust. Proof that prayer is powerful and works. Proof that with God, all things are possible.