Pages

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

4 months into this...

And I am actually beginning to freak out.

Interestingly enough, my newest follower, "kalibug," commented yesterday and said, "I'm sorry the wait is so long." At first I thought, "Aw, thanks." Today I am feeling the total opposite. I feel like everything is happening so fast. I guess that is the result of anything that is a "hurry up and wait" process.

On Monday is our second home study interview, and I just cannot believe it's already been a month since our first one. So, if you are following my math, we have one more a month from now, and THAT IS IT. Two months from now, Lord willing, we will be approved to be parents. Is that weird and funny to anyone else?

Anyway, I am sure it is normal to be sobered by the idea of being responsible for another human life, and right now I am completely there. I am overwhelmed at the thought of a total life change, and at times I mourn for the end of our newlywed days. Herb and I seem to have a more active social life in the last month than we've had in years, and I wonder if that is our subconscious way of throwing caution to the wind in these last baby-free days/weeks/months/years? (I surely hope not years).

HOWEVER, the ball is completely in our court at this time. If I wanted to grasp onto my so-called freedom a little tighter and a little longer, all it would take is one phone call. So am I going to make that call? Are my coming-and-going-as-I-please days and restful nights more important than fulfilling a lifelong yearning and desire, not to mention a God-given dream and role?

NOT A CHANCE!

One night, many years ago, I had a breakdown in Herb's old prism in the parking lot of Lyte Auditorium. "I don't know if I'm really ready to get married!! I don't know if I can do it!" I cried. Herb, frustrated and humored at the same time said, "Of course you can!" He was right. That total life changed turned out to be absolutely the best and easiest decision of my life, and just got better with time.

I'm pretty sure that's what parenthood will feel like too.

Especially if I have the same hunk telling me, "Of course you are!"

Oh, but now, he really knows what it is like to be a man and he's like even a million times better for me/to me than he was when I married him.

I AM BLESSED.

1 comment:

  1. Aw...totally crying right now. As long as the kid can call me Aunt Jess, I'll babysit anytime you want! ;)

    ReplyDelete

I love feedback!