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Sunday, January 16, 2011

He Never Let Go

This morning in church we sang the one of my favorite tunes, "You Never Let Go." More than once, this song has made me quite weepy. 

First for my dear friend Jess, who has used this song as her anthem on more than one occasion.  It transported me back to a time a year ago when we were sadly preparing ourselves to say goodbye to Isaac.  It reminded me of his funeral, where we sang that song in worship, despite heartache. 

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back, I know you are near

After Isaac died, I started to cling to that song in my own despair of waiting for a baby.  I sang these lines with faith, but a distant and real fear that there might not be a light at the end of the trouble.  In those times, He truly didn't let go of me, even when I couldn't always hold on to faith on my own.

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

And this morning, there I stood, reminiscing about all of God's faithfulness in the last year, and suddenly I heard a baby crying.  A tired baby that was being held by his grandma, but wanted his mom.

It occurred to me, as I was singing that very song, how full circle things have come.  I've stood in that very row of pews and sang that very song with tears in my eyes over a baby, and now I stand in the same place as the one who is comforting the tears.  I'm his mom.  He wants me.  I took the tearful baby in my arms, held him tightly, and as he quited, I sang all the more louder.

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me


I'm so glad I held on.  I'm so glad God held on to me when I was a mess.  It was so hard to praise him in the highs and lows, and I can't say I was always the most positive about it all, but I held on for dear life, that's for sure.  And he held on to me.

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