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Thursday, April 19, 2012

Round Two

When Herb and I got married, we weren't sure if or when we wanted children.  Of course, that changed pretty quickly for me, and by the time our marriage hit a two year mark, I was full blown baby crazy.  I spent another 2+ years obsessing over the idea of parenthood and finding activities to distract myself from the arms that ached to hold a baby.  And not only a baby, but I was pretty sure I wanted to have about five kids, although getting one seemed like a feat too huge to handle.

I loved becoming an aunt!!
I have always been a "baby person."  And when my own son came in to my world, of course my baby person-ness when into overdrive. But a weird thing happened.

Other babies suddenly didn't matter.  The only one I actually wanted to snuggle with was my own.


Even to this day, I think babies are wonderful, precious gifts and I am excited when a new one enters the world, but I don't have that longing feeling to get my paws on them and taken in their wonderful baby scent like I used to.  Yes, when you have a new baby, I am going to come visit it and love on it.  I'm just saying that at the end of the day, holding a brand new baby does not awaken an unquenchable thirst in me like it did before.

In fact, I would take a hug and a kiss from my little Levi over a baby snuggle any day.  I love that kid so much.


That being said - as much as Herb and I talk about expanding our family, I don't have a burning desire to have another baby. Some days I think it sounds fun, but most days I think sleeping for 8 solid hours at night sounds like more fun.  I guess I am a little concerned feeling like if I wanted to have more babies, I would know that now.  And I'm not convinced I do.  Wishy washy is the perfect term to describe me right now.

I'm sure if we were the baby making type this decision would be easier - heck - at that point it could just happen accidently and my mind would be made up for me.

In all fairness, this uncertainty could be my own defense mechanism knowing that there is no financial or logistical way for us to expand our family right now.  If I was hard core longing for baby at this point in my life, I would be up a creek without a paddle.

Either way, I know that our family planning is not in our hands, which is refreshing.  If God wants us to have more kids, I think he'll make it clear, and give us some direction on how to make that happen.  In the meantime, I am going to just enjoy my little guy.

Please weigh in on this - did you always know that you wanted to have more kids?  Did round two just hit you out of the blue and make you decide? Or did you feel wishy washy about the size of your family?

9 comments:

  1. Well said! This post is almost identical to one I've been working on, wanting to answer the question we're asked all the time now that Leo is almost 2-- "Are you ready for #2?".
    I am 100% content with being wishy washy. :) Sure, when we think about the far away future we want Leo to have a sibling, but I just don't have the "ache" for a baby right now, I am so in love with Leo and our family of 3- I can't imagine adding to it.
    Infertility is this crazy thing that brings on so much emotion and feelings, and right now there are spans of time when it doesn't, and I like that...

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  2. We knew that we wanted two kids. That we knew before we even got married. However, we are feeling very wishy-washy about having any more. Maybe? Maybe not? I don't know. I understand the feeling completely. I am very happy with the family we have and I am not sure I want it to be expanded. God will decide for us and we will accept whatever plan he has for us.

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  3. I have always said I wanted 4 or 5 kids. When Emma was just a few months old, I was ready...wanting another one. After having Colson, it was a little different. When he hit the same age Emma was when I started aching for another one, I didn't have that same urgency but I also knew our family wasn't complete. I wanted more but I knew how busy I was with two and was content waiting longer (or so I thought!) before adding another one. I'll definitely be praying for clarity for you and Herb and for peace for you as you process and discern what's best for your family!!

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  4. I'm in the "wishy washy" boat for similar reasons as you. I love my little guy so much, and I also love sleeping at night. I thought I'd want 4 in close age, but now, well, I'm quite content with one. Most days.

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  5. I used to be sort of wishy washy. Then I really wanted a baby, but quickly learned that God's plans are not our own. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and a half now. I was encouraged by your post. God has a plan, and he will direct us! :)

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  6. Same boat here... Kind of. We know we want more. How, when, where, is the question. And we are not definite on more, it's just an idea right now.
    But, it was been heavy on our hearts to foster babies. To love and nurture them for as long as we can and hopefully send them back to a safe and loving home where they belong. We would love to venture out to older age groups, but that will have to wait until our own are a bit older (they're 2 and 4).
    This is path we have recently been led to. Where it will go beyond that, I don't know. I hope to adopt out of foster care, but who knows. You can never never really know what's around the corner, so for now we feel content with everything we have.

    Trust your instincts, the gift of gut feelings are there for a reason. When or if it's time to act or pursue a bigger family, He will let you know. While most people might be thinking about child #2 right about now, there's nothing wrong with enjoying having one, or waiting until Levi is 5, or 13, or whatever.

    Having one is fun! Having two is about ten times the work lol.

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  7. We knew even before we married that we'd only have one child. It felt right for us. Now that we've got our one and only, we KNOW it was the right decision for us, but the flak a lot of our family and friends give us for it is maddening. Even my doctor gave me a hard time when I brought up long-term contraception ("you can't have JUST ONE," she told me, like babies are potato chips or something).

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  8. I SO relate to the way you described your love for babies. That's exactly how it happened for me too.

    With our first adoption, it was an intense longing from the time we started talking about it. Now with this 2nd adoption it's been oh so different. Once we decided to adopt again, those gushy emotions did follow, eventually. But, not until we really got the ball rolling.

    So, why did we get the ball rolling if there were no strong emotions/desires for more kids? Calling and Obedience. We had a strong sense of calling with both adoptions, but especially this current one. Honestly, we felt completely unprepared in all aspects to start another adoption. We wanted to try the old fashioned way this time around, but God had other plans. We are now on pins and needles, waiting to meet our next child(ren)! But, it took us a little while to warm up to the idea.

    I like to think calling is the engine of our family's train and our emotions go in the caboose...they'll follow the engine and always have. Praying God will lead you guys and trusting that HE will number your family.

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  9. I always wanted a bunch of kids. I encountered 2 problems..
    1 is that I am single. 2) I am single with fertilty issues. I tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant before adopting the first time. I am now almost 4 years into adopting the second. I kmow I would like a third but I am getting some slack from family. My Dad in particular feels 2 is enough..since he had 2. I still feel the call for more so I am stuggling with what to do since it just won't happen naturally.

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