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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Mourning the Moment

It was going to be a Save the Date card. On the outside it would say, "Save the Date, 08-08-08," and on the inside would be a picture of the positive pregnancy test. That is how I was going to share our good news with our family the very first time I ever thought I might be pregnant. The first moment my parents realize the will be grandparents.

And without any fun surprises, excited hugs, or tears of joy, that day has come and gone. Instead of that moment, we got months of a slow adoption process, filling everyone in each step of the way. Yes, I know people around us are SO COMPLETELY supportive and excited, but sometimes it feels more like pity and doubt.

Can I blame them? NO! My own excitement is laced with self-pity and doubt! And I don't have choice but to believe that, yes, this is our path to parenthood, and yes, there WILL be a baby at the end of this broken road. I understand the protected excitement, the guarded hearts.

The thing is, I just love a really good surprise.

4 comments:

  1. Michelle - When you get the phone call (or in your case, maybe an email), you WILL have the greatest surprise! =)

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  2. Michelle - I can totally relate. Sometimes it seems like we are robbed of some of the first joys families who find out they are having a baby get to experience. But I agree with the other commenter that you will get to experience that joy as soon as you get the phone call that there is a child for you and the excitement and joy will be just as great! : )

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  3. So many people in my life didn't admit to me (until after Ty was in our home for months) that they were nervous and anxious FOR us and the whole process.

    When you hold your baby for the first time, all of [this] will be but a distant memory. You WILL remember it (how could you ever forget?), but joy and laughter and peace and assurance will fill your heart.

    It will all make sense. You'll look back and know you wouldn't have it any other way.

    Just hang in there. Those days are coming.

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  4. Just read you blog for the first time! Mu husband and I just moved to Reading, PA (from pittsburgh) which is "close" to where you live! When we found out about our daughter, she was already born and we had to wait a few weeks until we would get to meet her. During the wait we didn't tell a soul....and then one day showed up with pictures....talk about a surprise! You will get to surprise your family and friends...just in a different way. Good luck with your jounrey!! Sending warm wishes your way!!

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