I've been getting a lot of really encouraging messages lately from co-workers, facebook friends, church pals, and family. A lot of them circle around God, his perfect plan (sovereignty is my hubby's favorite word, ever), and tests of faith. One thing that keeps surfacing is people saying "It's good to see you keeping the faith/trusting God/etc."
The thing is, I don't have another option.
If I can't rest assured that his plan is perfect, and will work out in his time, and he wants the best for Herb and I (and you, too), what do I have?
The answer is nothing.
I don't get God. I don't get why he would put something in our laps, just to take it away. I don't know why it seemed like he had answered our prayers (and some of yours) with a "yes," just to change it to a "no." In fact, I am really still struggling with asking God for big things and small things alike, because it seems like my prayers don't make a difference. All I can do is pray for his will, and that my wants and desires would be aligned with it.
But what I do know is that God is good. I know Jesus loves me. When he was hanging on the cross, brutally beaten and broken, I was on his mind. When he beat death, it was to give me eternal life. He has given me the gift of eternity, and because of that gift, and I want to follow and serve him with my gifts and life.
In the meantime, I going to keep asking him for my baby, because I know this is a desire he put in my heart, and wants to fulfill. Will you keep praying with me?
I feel a little bit like Mary Katherine Gallagher saying my feelings can best be described by lyrics to the following song (which I've quoted SO many times in the last year), but here ya go again...
Take this broken heart, if it brings You praise,
Take this beaten soul, shivering hands I will raise...
You are, You are, Invincible.
You are You are, Unbreakable.