What Might Have Been

Some days I'm still overwhelmed at the thought of what might have been. 

The last several weekends have been filled with various events - birthday parties, picnics, band competitions, weddings.  Some of these things were planned in August when were were truly expectant parents for two weeks, and some have been on the calendar for months.  Either way, when I looked forward to our fall calendar, I would imagine going to these things with a baby in my arms. 

"Is it okay if I bring a baby to you wedding?  He'll only be 2 months old!"

"Let's make plans to hang out in September, I know you'll want to see the new baby anyway!"

"By the time your wedding rolls around, the baby will be 9 months old!  Maybe he could come down the aisle in a wagon."

"No, I can't come visit you in New York, that is really close to the baby's due date and I want to be here in case he comes early."

The events that lurked in the distance seem to keep creeping up, and each time I must face someone new that I haven't seen since (what I am referring to as) The Great Disruption.  Everyone is always so supportive; but sometimes I feel like I could cut through the pity in the air with a knife.  I know it's my pride that needs to take a back seat, and it's part of my growing.  It's part of our growing.

When I was a kid, this was one of my favorite songs.  Lyrically, it's not completely appropriate to my current situation, but parts of it fit.

Sure I think about you now and then
But it's been a long long time
I've got a good life now I've moved on
So when you cross my mind
I try not to think about
What might have been
'Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
We can't go back again
There's no use giving in
And there's no way to know
What might have been


  1. I loved this song too :) Just keep thinking of what "what wills" instead of the "what ifs" :)


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