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Monday, March 21, 2011

The Groveling Fool Says Thanks

About a year ago I wrote an "open letter" to the one who would eventually be our birth mother.  The one who would hold the ability to make us a family in her hands womb.  Tomorrow, for the first time since the pre-birth meeting we will meet up with Levi's first mom.  I am excited to see her again and am really happy that she has been the one to initiate contact and maintaining a relationship with us.

In the last five months we have sent pictures, but not really any personal letters. I wanted to leave the ball in their court to see who was comfortable with what. I know what open adoption "should" look like, and I have read/seen how wonderful it can be (if you haven't before, you should check out this amazing story), but I know each family is different.

So then, about two months ago, J, Levi's birth mom wrote us a wonderful letter that I can't wait to share with him when he's older. When I wrote back, I felt overwhelmed with the lack of ability to say, "Thanks for the baby." I channeled my inner "groveling fool," and just poured out my heart.

Long before I met you, or knew about Levi, I have thought about this letter. What in the world could I possibly say to the person who has single handedly changed my entire life? There are not enough words to express “thank you” laced with “I can’t imagine what you had to go through.”


I guess I will stick to what I know. I know you are a great mom and a beautiful person. I know you are selfless and thoughtful. I know things probably haven’t turned out the way you expected them to when you were a little girl. I know that the intuitiveness, attentiveness, contentment, and intelligence that Levi already demonstrates is from you. I know that without you, we would not be a family.


I am grateful that you want to be a part of Levi’s life, and that you appreciate his updates and pictures. As he grows, I will gladly tell him about his first family and the sacrifices that were made.


I’m not sure if I ever told you this, but last summer we began praying to have a baby born before I went back to school. I know Levi was the answer to that prayer. All the nights spent crying myself to sleep with arms that ached for a baby have been redeemed watching him sleep peacefully, arms behind his head. The social situations where other people’s families made me sad for one of my own are now replaced with us asking for “two and a high chair” when we go out to eat.


Above Levi’s crib is this verse from 1 Samuel: “For this child I have prayed, and the Lord has granted my desire.” When I hung the quote there, I had no idea how our adoption story would turn out, but I knew I could trust God with my hopes and desires. I am happy to say God has fulfilled those dreams with a greater love and more perfect child than I imagined was possible. Thank you for making that a reality for us.

I'm praying that tomorrow we have a good time together, Levi is on his cutest behavior, and that this is the first of many get-togethers.  Isn't open adoption crazy-amazing?

6 comments:

  1. This post gave me goose bumps! I hope that tomorrow goes beautifully. Your letter was outstanding.

    We had a visit this past weekend too - thanks for reminding me to write about it. :)

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  2. So beautiful, Michelle! Thanks for bringing me to tears at my desk ;)

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  3. Beautiful! Hope it goes well. You know how to bring the tears on !

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