First I tried to pop off the plastic globe on top of the lamp and put on one of my favorite white drum shade. I didn't take a picture of it because it was just too ugly.
Then I remembered this post where Sherry used sharpie on a cup, and I thought, "Hey, why not?" I whipped up a stencil using an index card, based on my all time favorite stencil used in the JDC Office (Emily is a creative genius). I had to adapt the pattern a bit to fit the cylindrical shape of my plastic lamp.
Much to my delight, it worked! Bonus - I already had a teal sharpie!
I am in love. Or at least, as Ron Swanson would say, "She'll do. She'll do just fine."