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Sunday, February 21, 2010

Am I Being Selfish?

This week, I stopped following two blogs of Christian moms that I really enjoyed just because they were complaining about pregnany side effects.

I don't want to be that bitter person. I just really wonder how pregnancy is different if you had trouble concieving, or even adopted before having biological children. Is it possible to take pregnancy aches, pains, and sickness for granted?

There was a point a few months ago when I begged my pregnant buddy Lauren to tell me every horrible thing about being pregnant...In the bitter sea of infertility, I wanted SOMETHING to be thankful for. And boy, did she make the request worth my while with the morning sickess and what not. And I truly appreciated that!

Ironically, Lauren is feeling better now, and I officially have no interest in hearing the bad things about pregnancy.

So, bloggers of the world...if you complain about any part of motherhood or prenancy, there is a very good chance that I will hit "unsubscribe."

At least for now.

6 comments:

  1. When Luke and I had our first child, Makenna, her adoptive parents were there and for the birth. Kelly was helping to hold a leg and coach me on. Her husband Tony had to leave the room. Neither of them feels like they missed anything out of pregnancy. Neither should you. Just because you aren't participating in the 9 months previous to your future child's birth means that you should feel like you are missing anything. Those nine months are nothing compared to raising a child and I hope you don't feel deprived. Please let me know if I can be any help or guide you in accepting or understanding those that have choices/selfishness that is hard to understand. Just remember...You will have a child in God's own time and it will be worth the wait, even if it doesn't seem so right now.

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  2. Michelle, I still haven't watched the birth video of Adin, but you're welcome to it. I think I screamed out for about 5 min's straight.

    Don't let envy grip you, God provides each of us different experiences, and while you might not face morning sickness or Braxton-Hicks you WILL experience pain, anxiety, sleepless nights, and desire really strange foods post-birth and post-adoption!

    Peace for you, sister.

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  3. I have a co-worker who tried to have a baby with his wife for eight years. They finally adopted (through Bethany). When their daughter was nine months old, they discovered Mama was six weeks pregnant. I found it interesting to hear the commentary. After wanting to be pregnant for so many years, she finally got her wish. But by that time, she had resigned herself to the idea that she never would be pregnant, and had convinced herself how horrible pregnancy would be. The novelty of pregnany seemed to wear off around half-way through, and she started complaining so much that I was a little surprised. So apparently, no matter what road brought you to the pregnancy, it is possible to take the aches and pains for granted.

    But their little black daughter and white-haired son are so cute together today! And it worked out well for them, because she'd become a stay-at-home mom and they had no idea how they'd find money to adopt another . . . turned out, God had other plans for their family.

    I imagine it is very painful to hear others complain! I remember hearing other brides complain about wedding planning, when all I wanted was for Jack to hurry up and propose (mind you, I was not quite 21 when he "finally" did). I am sure baby pains are even worse. But like someone else said, it will melt away when you hear that baby's heartbeat for the first time, see his or her little eyes for the first time . . .

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  4. Do what you gotta do to survive. Bottom line.

    Most of us that have been in your shoes have done/said the exact same things.

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  5. Shortly after adopting our first son my friend made a comment that I will never forget. We were at a Discovery Toys party and all the women were asked "What's the best part about being a mom?". My friend said, "Feeling the baby move inside you". At the time, not having given birth, I didn't know if she was right or not. I didn't think that was what being a mom was all about but I hadn't experienced that part of motherhood and couldn't argue with her comment. I was very hurt by those words. Now after experiencing the pregnancy thing I feel sorry for her that she feels that feeling a baby inside her is the best thing about being a mom. In my opinion being a mom is all about what happens after the child is born. Do I remember feeling a baby inside me? Sure I do - but what I remember more is the feeling I had when all three of my children were placed in my arms. Especially when my oldest was handed to me by his birthmother. Best part about being a mom is what happens every day after pregnancy! God knows what he's doing. It's hard to trust him but he's right! His plans are always better than ours. You are in my prayers Michelle!

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  6. Hey Michelle, it's Amanda. I understand where you're coming from, I had an early miscarriage in September '08 and then found out a few months later that there were some fertility problems. IT IS SO DIFFICULT. You are handling it much more gracefully than I did: I had a friend pregnant when I should have been, and to hear her gripe about all her aches and pains made me cry every time I talked to her.

    I don't even know what I can say to you to ease your burden, just know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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