9 months has come and tomorrow will be gone. In a normal pregnancy today I would be sitting in a hospital bed being waited on hand and foot while cuddling my sweet new baby - or if I had the luck of my dear friend Erin, I would be dreading the next two weeks, trying not to stress out, packing and repacking my hospital bag, and praying for patience. Either way motherhood would be VERY close at hand.
We "tried" for 9 months, applied for an adoption, and here were are waiting 9 more months later. Have we really been pursuing parenthood for 18 months already?
Yesterday, we watched, "Marley and Me." If you know me, you know I don't like sports, and I'm not crazy about dogs. But the movie did make me cry! Not when the dog died though...it was when Jenny had a miscarriage. Oh how grateful I was to never have experienced that when I saw that clip. I truly think I would rather be in the situation of never having concieved and be pursing adoption than having one or more miscarriages and various fertility treatments before pursuing adoption. I just cannot imagine the loss. There really was a deep sense of loss when we decided to stop trying, but I don't think it even compares.
All that being said, what have I learned in the last 9 months?
1. Waiting for a baby is easier when you have an arrival date. That is probably the worst part. Not knowing if I will finish the school year, or if we will have a baby on vacation in July, or whether or not Herb will be involved in another season of marching band. It is hard to plan, so we just plan to "not" have a little one, which is sad in it's own respect.
2. We have a lot to prepare before we're parents. With every possible situation that passes over us, I let out a small sigh of relief when I realize how ready we're not. Our finances aren't in order, the baby quilt isn't finished, the bathroom is half ripped up. (But honestly, if you give me a baby tomorrow, all that other stuff doesn't matter, does it?)
3. Sometimes knowing that we're already in this phase of waiting for adoption does ease the wound of being around other pregnant women, and sometimes it still really stings. I am really really really trying to have more grace in this area.
4. Herb is going to be the most excellent father and provider, and every other good thing you hope for in a husband. I completely trust him and love him.
5. And finally, when you pray for patience, God gives it! Yeah, it's a dangerous thing to pray for because it usually includes stretching your wait longer (thanks for that one), but oh, the peace I have today. I cannot even tell you the anxiety I expected to have during this waiting period. It is just not here. Sure, when I know a birth mom is looking at our profile, I am biting my nails. But in the normal day-to-day waiting, I'm okay.
So today, baby Suereth, on your non-birthday, I can say that we are absolutely dying to meet you, but until you get here, I will be praying for you and your birthmama, and we will be okay.
And by the way, I love you already.