But, by the grace of God, I've been feeling so very content in the size of our family these days. Will we ever add to it? Probably. How? I don't know. When? I really don't know. Is there a chance that we won't? I guess.
And right now, I don't care.
After a morning of playing hard at the park, we paused for a brief picnic lunch before heading home for a nap. Surrounding us were mothers and children. Lots of children.
Like, seriously, 4 kids to every mom.
One table over I heard one mom settling a chicken nugget dispute, and on my other side was a frazzled mama who realized she forgot to pack napkins.
And meanwhile, my one and only child snuggled up next to me on the bench, said, "Kiss, mommy," and "Thanks for the good food."
The joy that he brings me and the amount that I'm able to actually enjoy and appreciate his company is insurmountable. I'm not saying that I don't wish for more children. It's just that, in the world of infertility, it's nice to have a win sometimes. There is a silver lining - and my relationship with Levi is it.
As we drove home, I contemplated the idea of having only one child. Is it selfish to only want one? Is it possible that we may never be able to adopt again - is it our future? Am I a bad mom because I think I can probably only handle parenting one child? Am I a bad mom for sometimes wishing I had another baby? Back and forth, round and round.
Then I heard a gentle whisper, from Him, the hope-fulfiller. "Shhhh. You are content. Enjoy it."
So who knows. Is this amazingly special time with Levi what our entire future looks like? Or will it be a time that we look back on and reminisce as the days when we only had one child? I don't know, and I'm okay with that. It sure helps that I have arguably the best kid ever.
What about you? Is there a next chapter in your life that may or may not begin? Trust God. He is capable of giving peace, contentment, and joy in whatever the situation. More than I ever imagined possible.
Philippians 4:11b-13 ...