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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Chapter 9: Intentions, Expectations, and Ornaments

I'll be honest, it was a little weird drudging up the bad feelings of our break up.  I like this part MUCH better.  Anyway, catch up here (Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8), or read on!

Chapter 9: Intentions, Expectations, and Ornaments

I woke up with a grin on my face and a flicker of hope in my heart.  I had had the most exciting dream where Herb and I got back together.  I couldn’t remember the details, but the feeling of deep satisfaction and joy that comes from being loved by the one you love was still fresh in my mind. 

It was a crisp fall morning, and for once I was up a little bit earlier than I needed to be.  As the early morning sun poured in my tiny bedroom window, I cracked open my Bible to do a little reading before class, and at 
random, read Psalm 20.

            “May He grant you the desire of your heart and make all of your plans succeed.”~Psalm 20:4

Coincidence?  Maybe, but I had a feeling that God was trying to get my attention. 

Yes, Herb had recently told me about the song, “Say Sayonara,” which was the first clue he had given me that maybe we weren’t so over after all. But were we really meant to be together?  He had completely broken my heart, and I wasn’t ready to jump back into any relationship that wasn’t exactly where God wanted us to be (and where we both wanted to be too, for that matter).

With anticipation and purpose, I took my concerns and requests to the only one who could handle them.
“God, I still have feelings for Herb…if it’s your will….please let it be your will…” I begged throughout my day, but couldn’t even vocalize what it was that I actually wanted. 

A few days later, exactly two months to the day when we broke up, I found myself in Herb’s apartment.  Did he invite me over or did I just show up?  I have no idea.  What movie did we watch?  I can’t remember.  What I do remember is what began as evening on opposite ends of the couch surrounded by other people, and ended with a kiss.

Of course, things were left unsaid.

Amusingly enough, the next few days of awkward silence once again fell over Thanksgiving break.  Who would have known a year earlier, when we argued in Herb’s car, what this Thanksgiving would look like?  In hindsight, I couldn’t believe that in just one year’s time we had dated, fallen in love, fallen apart, and were now considering reconciliation.  I spent the holiday in South Carolina, but I begged my dad to drop me off at Herb’s house on our way back through York.  It was random, and a little bit of a stretch, but by this point I just needed to see him in the worst way. 

I arrived at Herb’s house late on Saturday night, slept in the guest room, and the next morning we went to church.  At the end of the service, the congregation stood up, held hands, and sang a song.  The song ended, people dispersed, and my hand was still be held by Herb’s.  He kept it there as we exited the sanctuary and walked to the car.

And yet, there was still no talk of “what” we were.

The days the followed led into finals week, and Herb accompanied me to the library several times where I worked on a research paper and he studied.  Really though, the library time was more about stolen glances and shoulder brushes in the elevator than it was studying or researching.

Finally the silence broke when we were sitting in the basement of the library, drinking coffee.  Out of the blue, Herb said, “You know, if we get back together, I’m going to marry you.”

And get back together we did!  However, not before we had several more lengthy conversations about what went wrong the first time, how we were each different now, and what our intentions and expectations were this time. 

The night we made it official (again) was December 3, 2004.  We went to “Tuba Christmas” and out for ice cream with a group of friends. While we were eating ice cream, I bought two Christmas ornaments at the gift shop.  A red, blue, and plaid one for Herb, and a pink sparkly one for me.  When I bought the ornaments, I didn’t know that later that night Herb and I would officially enter a “courting” relationship, but I am so happy 
to have those mementos which still hang on our tree today.


{Don't worry, there's not happy ending just yet....chapter 10, coming soon}

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