I so badly want to be a consistent parent.  Consistent discipline, consistent in expectations, consistent in routine.  I want to say what I mean and mean what I say.

But it's reallllllllly hard to be consistent at 4:00 am.

You know what else is really hard to be at 4:00 am?  Graceful.

I have completely set myself up for this.  After being hard core about Levi being a self-soothing baby and sleeping in his own room from day 1 (which he rocked at), I fell of the wagon, hard, about a year ago.  Changes in our family life, routine, and whatever else, led me to let a sneaky little three year old crawl in our bed every night at 3:00 am.

First it just happened on vacation and the week following, and I let him stay, knowing it was out of the ordinary.  And then when I started babysitting Charlotte last year and had to be up super early, I justified the family bed thinking, "well I'm going to be getting up in an hour or two anyway."  One thing led to another, and before I knew it, Levi owned the place.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing more precious than toddler snuggles.  And we have a king size bed, with PLENTY of room for all three of us.  Levi is also not the kid who makes an "H" with us while sleeping, he just wiggled his way between us, and slept so soundly that most of the time I didn't even know he was there.

Sleeping habits die hard - at least we have conquered the pacifier and the night time diaper...

I have seen the light - and I don't mean the hall light that we leave on all night.  I am not sleeping great while sharing a pillow, and Levi was sneaking in earlier and earlier, sometimes spending most of the night in our bed.  It had to end (thanks for the intervention, Wendi).

Ugh.  I did not follow through with what I said to him for all those years.  I bent too much.  And I am paying for it now.

Last night was especially horrible.  He was up no less than 10 times.  The problem with "crying it out" when you're four is that now you have all these new words and ideas of how to get your mom to come check on you/let you in her bed.

"I think there's a dragon in my curtain!"
"Who will protect me?"
"I need covers!"
"I need to go potty!"
"I want my music on!"

And then there was the "Mommy!!!" that just got screamed on repeat for 10 minutes.

Oh people, please pray for me.  I think last night was complete rock bottom, so it can only get better from here, right?  By the grace of God and having two people against one, we did not fold last night.  It cost Herb and I HOURS of sleep, it cost Levi some toys, but in the end he went to sleep in his bed without us holding his hand (both proverbially and literally).

I knowwwww this is my fault.  Let this be a lesson to other young parents.  Say what you mean - and mean what you say - and don't change the game half way through.


  1. Congratulations!! You made it through the worst part. It is good that it is two against one:) Sooo many parents don't get it. If you say it, you must follow through. You get it. Everyone slips up. But the good thing is that you are back on the path. Punishing a child means punishment for the parent. You can't have it all. Remember that "You are the worst parents in the world" is music to your ears!! This means you are doing it right:) Keep up the good parenting:)


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